Counseling by Julia Speer

Spring is in the Air

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 04:42:41 +0000

Here in Oregon spring is in full bloom with warm days, later sunsets, floral color all around and birds building nests and feeding their young. The changing of seasons can remind us that life is constantly changing. If you are personally experiencing a tough season of life, this is especially good news. Marital struggles improve as couples perservere in their commitment, depression lifts, and anxiety and worries pass. An emotion is never permanent, intense emotions that in a moment may seem unbearable, rarely maintain their level of intensity more than a few moments.

Allow spring to encourage you with its newness. Perservere in faith and hope , God is still at work and He hasn’t forgotten you!

Marriage Book Review

admin — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:24:46 +0000

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson is a great tool for couples to have and to work through on their own or in conjunction with marriage counseling. Sue Johnson is the developer or Emotionally Focused Therapy which is a highly effective research based approach to marriage counseling and therapy. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) addresses the bond or connection that exists between couples. Many conflicts, misunderstandings, or standoffs that couples get stuck in are really about how secure the attachment or bond is between the couple. In Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson introduces 7 concepts and practical suggested exercises or conversations couples can have around these concepts and about their relationship. These include recognizing the patterns a couple repetitively gets stuck in, revisiting conflicts, learning to engage and be emotionally responsive to each other, and forgiving old injuries. I have found EFT to be highly effective in marriage counseling as the research indiciates, and this book is a helpful tool for couples to work through.

Research evidence for EMDR

admin — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:46:15 +0000

A recent article in the NY Times interviewing Francine Shapiro the founder of EMDR discusses the evidence that exists for the effectiveness of EMDR. Check out this link to read about it: (you may need to copy and paste it in your browser)http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/02/the-evidence-on-e-m-d-r/

Below is the link to the followup article to the one above again interviewing Dr. Francine Shapiro and giving a great and easy to follow explanation on how and why EMDR works and the supporting research for it. Again you will most likely have to copy this address into your browser to view it.

http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/expert-answers-on-e-m-d-r/

EMDR is fast becoming known throughout the helping communities as a quick and effective treatment for PTSD. This is great news for the many who suffer from the effects of traumatic events in their lives and also for the many military veterans who have recently returned from tours of duty and are needing help.

True Love

admin — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:08:07 +0000

February is the month when we are prompted to think about “true love”. What is true love? I often hear people speak of love quantitatively as in “I love him/her sooo much”. I think a much better measure of love is the quality of love rather than the quantity of it. I notice that too often that love is conditional and causes many problems in relationships, particularly marriage relationships. “I love him/her so much” often means “I feel good about that person as long as they are treating me as I want to be treated and make me feel good about myself.”

So what is quality, true love? It is a love that is based on a commitment to do what is best for the other person even if that is difficult to do or is costly. It is a love that sticks through hard times when the other person may not have anything to offer. It is a love that forgives without punishing and keeps your heart open in the relationship. It is a love that is even willing to say difficult things that need to be heard knowing that it may temporarily bring discord or conflict into a relationship. True love is of course best defined and described by 1 Corinthians 13, the famous love chapter in Scripture. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (I Corinthians 13:4-8). This love is the love that God demonstrates to all of us daily and ultimately in the gift of His Son to redeem us. God help us to love more like you!

Book Review: “Redemption” by Mike Wilkerson

admin — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:48:19 +0000

I recently read the book Redemption by Mike Wilkerson. It is an excellent read and applicable to anyone, but particularly those struggling with addictions or recovering from abuse. Wilkerson examines the strategies we grab onto to deal with the pain of abuse or the scars of unhealthy relationships . Some of these strategies include the typical addictions of drugs, alcohol, pornography, and eating/image disorders. The book focuses in on these as “idols” ; places of worship in our life where we are trying to find life and fulfillment apart from the only true source of life, God. He encourages people to move beyond identifying themselves based on an addiction (“I’m an alcoholic”) to finding the true path of life and identity as a follower of Christ. The book illustrates this through following the story of the Israelites in the book of Exodus as they leave slavery, bondage and abuse under Pharaoh and are redeemed by God as He leads them out of Egypt. The story of the Israelites is used as a model for people today seeking to leave the bondage of their own addictions or patterns of unhealthy behavior.

New Year’s Resolutions

admin — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 06:21:43 +0000

To resolve or not to resolve? Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Some people find resolutions or goals discouraging and a prescription for failure. Other find them motivating and welcome January as a time to make a new start and incorporate new habits into their lives. One thing that is certain is that it is important to at least occasionally, or better to regularly examine your life and evaluate how you are doing in various areas. This can be a self evaluation, one in prayer, or if you’re really brave ask someone who knows you well to give you some feedback.

Many January resolutions are centered around health and fitness changes, however character qualities are also a great focus. Would you like to be a more gentle person? Or more patient, or compassionate? Some people avoid the term goal and instead look for a theme for the year. “Health,” “Living in the Moment,” or ”Joyfulness,” are a few examples. Whatever approach you take, it is important that you remember change is a process that takes time but that is possible with regular attention and perseverance.

The Holidays

admin — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 16:55:16 +0000

Christmas is here bringing good cheer…. or is it? What do the holidays represent to you? It’s a time of increased busyness, more social engagements, shopping, and family get togethers. It can be a time of reflecting on the gift of a Savior coming to live in our world, a time of reliving and recreating treasured childhood memories and reconnecting with family and friends. For some these activities are the most special moments of the year, for others the memories are painful , and the joyous songs of the season only accent feelings of emptiness, depression, loneliness, or discontent and those social and family gatherings or lack thereof only open old wounds or create new ones.

So what is a healthy way to celebrate the holidays? Think about and decide what is really important to you? There is no need to bake, shop or wrap endlessly, address Christmas cards and stress over the cost of the stamps just because that’s the way others do it or even the way you’ve always done it before. Create traditions and memories that have meaning for you and your family and feel free to say “no” to the rest. If the holidays accent emotional pain for you, put the day in perspective. Just because the songs and commercials create expectations of love, harmony and good will to all, this is not the reality for most. However, perhaps the painful feelings that arise this time of year highlight areas of your life that you do need to tend to the rest of the year. Loneliness can be a powerful motivator to get connected and involved with new groups or activities. The pain of strained or broken relationships can be a sign of reconciliation or conversations that need to take place.

For the Christian, Christmas is celebrating the birth of our Savior yet so much of what Christmas has become has very little to do with that. I recently heard a story that spoke of trying to explain to someone who had never heard of Christmas what Christmas is about. As we are hustling and bustling, cleaning our house, shopping and fighting for parking spots or the shortest cashier line and feeling stressed in the process we tell this person “Christmas is about the infinite God of all creation is entering our world as a baby and coming to live among us and redeem us from our sin.” “Wow,” they reply, “I would be stressed and busy making preparations as well if I knew that God was coming to live alongside me.”

“For unto us is born this day in the city of David, a Savior who is Christ the Lord”

Merry Christmas!

Thankfulness

admin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:19:21 +0000

The holiday of Thanksgiving is a day set aside for us to consider our many blessings (and generally eat too much!). Incorporating the habit of thankfulness, or gratefulness is always good practice and proven to be good for our mental health. Gratefulness is focusing on the positive in our life and is the exact opposite of the feeling of depression which is focusing what is wrong in our life or the things we cannot control. Cultivating the discipline of thankfulness will lead to an improved outlook and a lifted mood. Thankfulness is a discipline and one that must be exercised like any other discipline in life. Develop the habit of starting each day with thanksgiving and your depression will start to be replaced by joy. Each day is a gift and as we waken in the morning we can start by giving thanks for having another day of life. End your day the same way; looking for what went right in the day and as these become habits, you will begin to notice improvement in your outlook. Try keeping a prayer journal to record not only your requests, but also your offerings of thanksgiving. “Enter His gates with thanksgiving”, (PS 100:4)

Reasons People Avoid Counseling/Finding a Counselor

admin — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 17:35:54 +0000

Seeking help for yourself and starting counseling can be easy to put off. It takes work to find the right counselor and taking an honest look at your life can be hard work as well. However the benefits are typically great as growth occurs, relationships improve and emotional symptoms are shed and the cost of not addressing problems these problems is great. Listed below are some common reasons people don’t seek counseling.

“My problems aren’t THAT big.”
“I don’t want to start looking at things because I don’t know what else is there.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“What will people think?”
“I don’t want to be weak.”
“I don’t have time.”
“I can tough it out.”
“Sounds like too much work.”
“My problem is unique and no one can help me.”
“It sounds like work—why would I want to do that?”

So how do you find a counselor? One of the best ways is to talk to others who have been in counseling and who have had a satisfying experience. There are also many referral lists that exist based on specific issues. Try googling the specific problem you want to address and you will probably find links to specific therapists. Organizations your trust can also be a good resource in finding a counselor. Focus on the Family maintains a national counselor referral list, EMDR Therapy Network has a national listing of therapists trained in EMDR, and your local church or pastor can also be a good resource.

When you get to the point of making that first phone call, it’s a good idea to have a list of questions to ask. Therapists are used to fielding questions about the work they do and many will give a complimentary phone or 30 minute session to help you decide if they are the right therapist for you. I generally tell clients that once you start counseling with someone it is reasonable to expect from the beginning that you are getting new insights or help in your situation that you didn’t think of before.

(10 reasons people avoid counseling is borrowed from my good friend and skilled therapist Kay Simmeth www.kaysimmethlmft.com)

Seasonal Affective Disorder

admin — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:38:00 +0000

Here in the North West, fall is one of the most beautiful times of the year. Trees change color, the smell of burning fires is in the air, pumpkins, apple cider and our warm socks also make a reappearance. However, one other thing that happens is that daylight hours rapidly decrease. We wake up in the dark and as winter approaches and the weather changes, by December we are often back in the dusk and dark by mid to late afternoon. One type of depression that can can cause symptoms in up to 20% of people , with clinical depression in about 5% or people is called Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD). Also known as the ‘winter blues’ this type of depression is more common the further you live away from the equator, and also more common in women. Symptoms are similar to other types of depression, decreased energy, low mood, loss of interest and enjoyment in that would typically bring pleasure, sleep changes- especially more daytime sleepiness, and changed appetite – especially increased eating of carbohydrates. These symptoms often appear in fall and continue throughout the winter months. Lack of sunlight appears to affect our brains chemically, and treatment of seasonal affective disorder can include talk therapy, medication, and light therapy. Full spectrum light boxes and bright fluorescent lighting used up to 30 minutes daily is often enough to prevent or treat SAD. I often hear people say on a sunny winter day “All of a sudden , I feel much better”. There is some evidence that adequate Vitamin D levels are also an important part of preventing SAD.

So what can you do if you have the winter blues? Get a light box, if there’s sunlight, get outside , exercise regularly and if this doesn’t help your symptoms consider talk therapy and talking to your doctor about your symptoms.